About
Lise and Frederik Berggren Smidt
In a world where relationships are constantly being tested by busy schedules, stress, and changing life seasons, the idea of friendship within marriage has become more important than ever. In a recent interview on the PublishU Podcast, Danish author and marriage counsellor Lise Berggren Smidt shared the inspiration behind the book Marriage – A Unique Friendship, written together with her husband, Frederik Berggren Smidt.
The couple’s message is simple yet deeply meaningful: strong and lasting marriages are built not only on love, but on genuine friendship.
Lise and Frederik have been married for almost 30 years. Together, they have raised three adult children and are now grandparents. Alongside their own family life, they have spent decades working with couples through counselling, teaching, and ministry work. Their experience inspired them to explore an important question many couples overlook: what truly makes a marriage endure over time?
For them, the answer kept returning to friendship.
During the interview, Lise explained that when they first got married, they viewed friendship as something separate from marriage — relationships and connections that existed outside of their partnership. Over time, however, they realised they had become each other’s closest and most trusted friend. That discovery later became the foundation of their book.
The inspiration grew even stronger after they came across studies involving elderly couples in long marriages. Many people interviewed said the most valuable aspect of their relationship was not romance alone, but the friendship they had built throughout decades together. Surprisingly, Lise and Frederik found very few books focused specifically on friendship in marriage, which motivated them to write one themselves.
Their book explores how couples can become lifelong companions while still embracing individuality and personal growth. One of the key themes discussed in the interview was the importance of accepting differences within marriage.
Lise explained that many couples struggle because they change over time and begin to feel disconnected from one another. Interests evolve, personalities mature, and life circumstances shift. Instead of fearing those differences, couples need to learn how to reconcile them peacefully.
This perspective is especially relevant in modern relationships, where marriages are often expected to fulfil every emotional need perfectly. Marriage – A Unique Friendship encourages couples to focus instead on mutual understanding, companionship, respect, and emotional connection.
According to Lise, strong marriages are not built by trying to become identical people. Instead, lasting relationships are created when couples learn how to appreciate one another’s strengths, accept areas of difference, and continue growing together.
Another major topic raised during the interview was emotional safety within marriage. As a family counsellor, Lise regularly works with couples who feel distant or emotionally disconnected. She explained that many struggling relationships involve one partner emotionally shutting down or no longer feeling safe enough to communicate openly.
Rebuilding trust and connection becomes essential.
According to Lise, emotional safety begins with creating an environment where both people feel heard without fear of criticism or rejection. Small acts of connection — holding hands, making eye contact, listening carefully, and giving each person space to share their feelings — can slowly rebuild closeness.
Rather than focusing only on dramatic romantic gestures, the book highlights the importance of small daily habits that strengthen friendship within marriage.
This practical approach makes the book highly relatable for couples at different stages of life, whether newly married, raising children, or navigating later seasons together.
One of the most thought-provoking moments in the interview centred around honesty in relationships. Lise explained that while honesty is important, there are moments where complete transparency may cause unnecessary hurt.
She discussed the difference between honesty that helps a relationship grow and honesty that simply wounds the other person.
The couple explored the idea that love should never use honesty as a weapon. Instead, communication should come from a place of care, maturity, and protection of the relationship. At the same time, they stress that serious issues — such as addiction, emotional struggles, or thoughts of leaving the marriage — absolutely need to be addressed openly and honestly.
Their perspective offers a nuanced and compassionate approach to communication within long-term relationships.
Beyond writing books, Lise and Frederik dedicate much of their lives to helping couples strengthen their marriages. Lise works as a family consultant and counsellor, while Frederik serves as a priest and teacher.
Together, they travel and teach on topics including marriage, intimacy, sexuality, parenting, and emotional connection. They also counsel couples directly, helping them navigate challenges and rediscover closeness.
One of the most practical elements of Marriage – A Unique Friendship is that it encourages discussion between couples. The book includes reflective questions after each chapter, designed to help husbands and wives have deeper conversations about their relationship, communication styles, emotional needs, and friendship.
Their ultimate hope is simple: that couples reading the book will develop stronger friendships within their marriages. Whether newly married or together for decades, the principles shared in the book are designed to help couples reconnect, communicate more openly, and build a deeper sense of partnership.
In a culture that often focuses heavily on romance, Marriage – A Unique Friendship offers a refreshing reminder that the strongest marriages are often built on something quieter but far more enduring — friendship, trust, and choosing each other daily through every season of life.
For couples looking to strengthen their connection and better understand one another, Lise and Frederik Berggren Smidt’s message is both timeless and deeply practical: the healthiest marriages are rooted in friendship.
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